Thankful Thursday

I have been blogging in my mind for at least three weeks, but I have uncharacteristically been unable to organize them enough to write them down.  It isn't like me to go to bed each night with all these unfinished blogs in my head, but I have done just that.  I've awoke in the morning thinking I will write just to find myself at night once again thoughts in my head unwritten.  Maybe for the best, you ask?  Perhaps as July has been a roller coaster month for me and some thoughts...well best left unsaid.  It isn't just a case of writer's block.  I'm a honest writer.  What is in my heart and mind comes out.  I wouldn't have it any other way, but there are some things that I can't share right now on the world wide Internet.  Nothing bad, nothing crazy, just personal.  Therein lies the problem. 

We moved at the beginning of the month.  The right choice, but hard at first to make even though I've known for a while it was coming.  I saw the doctor in June and learned I would be entering into the realm of fertility unknown and even though I have one of the best insurances out there, there would be a lot of personal money involved.  The decision to move or not to move became a very easy choice.  After all, people spends hundreds and thousands on homes, vacations, and material things.  You can't put a price on having a child, a legacy.  Without further ado, we gave notice and started the very long process of moving.  Now I hate moving with a passion.  It was a very long month, one that tested my limits of endurance for sure.  The first two weeks of July was spent cleaning, repairing and shampooing.  I am somewhat of an oddity.  I LOVE to shampoo carpets!  Very strange, but my family has learned when there is shampooing to do, you leave it to me.  I do a great job.  It is very therapeutic for me to shampoo.  No need for a shrink, just give me a Bissel shampooer and see me work out my own counseling.  There is something gratifying in sucking up the dirt, the bad stuff, and pouring it down the drain!  Sometimes you need to repeat the area because there is so much ugly, but by the time you are through, you are left with a clean, fresh-smelling carpet and maybe some cleaner areas in yourself.  :)

As I shampooed my lil house for the last time, it became a walk down memory lane.  The exercise room, where my blond, funny exercise buddy and I worked out so many times, sometimes cracking up so hard we had to hold on to the equipment to keep from falling off...my office where I sat so many days looking out the window, watching the lone hummingbird or the big fluffy cat, mentally trying to escape the stress of my job and the heartache in my heart...our bedroom where so many nights we knelt and prayed in unity and a little desperation...the dining room which family and friends gathered at different times for so many meals, conversations and games...our family room where I saw myself curled up on the couch watching a favorite movie, racing Mario Cart with my hubby determined to win, the many times I sat and played with Mr. Adorable, the place where my family gathered with me to mourn and where once again began to dream and hope.  When you move into a house, it is just that: a house.  Over time, though, its walls become sacred, silent listeners to all that life hands to the lives within.  I've left many homes over my lifetime, but none were harder to leave than this one.  However, leaving for the last time, I took all those memories with me and realized the girl who entered that house for the first time left a very different woman, but all for the better.

There was one thing I couldn't leave with the house.  You might remember my previous post last year about finding hope again with my precious calla lily my hubby planted for me in 2009 never dreaming in 2010, it would make its beautiful appearance.  It again appeared this last spring in all its glory, bigger, and I told my hubby and family I would not leave it.  I put my proverbial foot down.  :)  The calla lily was dug up very carefully and transplanted right under my new bedroom window.

This Thursday, I'm thankful for a calla lily who hopefully will appear again next spring none the worst for its move and fill my heart with hope and delight. I'm thankful for my dad and hubby who made sure none of the roots were harmed and understood the importance of why it just had to come with me. I'm thankful for the memories I have, the good and bad, because they have contributed to who I am today.  I'm thankful for the opportunity to make new memories with my hubby and family.  Lastly, I'm thankful for the hope I have that next year when I look back on July 2011, I will have a new perspective, new dreams, and if I'm really blessed, I will know that something very special was begun this month, a new miracle, because after all, miracles really do happen all the time...