September Love Letter

My sweet lil baby,

You did it! Mama and Daddy are so very proud of you! You grew all the way to the second trimester! Words seem so inadequate to describe my joy at this BIG milestone. Mama never thought she would ever get to ever say, "Baby and I are in the second trimester." Yet here we are! I have watched each week as you have grown and kicked and sucked your thumb. You make Fridays such a special day! I wish all the time I could peek in your little world every day, but so appreciative I can see you once a week. Mama felt like she was walking on sunshine today as she left the doctor's office. Baby, you have no idea how much happiness you're giving your parents and family! I know when you arrive, your sweet little face will be covered in kisses to show you how happy we are.

Today was a very big day for you and me. I graduated to a "regular" ultrasound because you are finally big enough to see through my layers of "fluff." Even after all these weeks, I still find myself holding my breath until I see that wonderful flutter that tells us your lil heart is still beating away. Then, I watch as you move and stretch and wiggle, every movement feeling me with so much joy and love. Last week, I told your grandma that I really can't imagine loving you more than I did at that moment, but today I found myself loving you even more than I did last Friday.

You were opening and closing your mouth today, maybe swallowing? I got to see your little button nose and wonder once more if you will take after me and have a little tip at the end or if you will take after your Daddy. I watched your spine move which was amazing. You are so teeny-tiny, just over 2.5 inches, but yet there was your spine as clear as could be! Grandma didn't really like the regular ultrasound because you weren't as clear as normal and she couldn't get a clear video and she has gotten used to seeing you so up close!

I was so unbelievably happy to see you today; this last week filled with strange pain had Mama so worried. However, Mama's doctor decided that you are at that point where you are growing so well and getting heavy so my muscles are working overtime to support you, so this new pain is a great thing and completely normal. This is such a relief to hear because Mama is so in love with you, she can't imagine what she would do without you. I watch with growing wonder as the little bump that tells me you are with me is slowly getting a little bigger each week. I am counting down the weeks until I feel you kicking. Your grandma and Mamo have told me this can be quite painful, but oh. I can't wait. So kick away, lil miracle!

Mama was a little worried that doctor would not see us every Friday since you have graduated into the next "semester," but the doctor said he has no intention of stopping seeing us now and will continue to see us every week until we can both be assured you are doing ok by kicking Mama! I'm so happy about this, Baby!! I'm counting down the weeks until I feel you; doctor says maybe about six more weeks, but I'm hoping I can recognize your little movements earlier than that. We've got about four more weeks until doctor says you can hear us! Grandma and Grandpa especially can't wait for this and they are lecturing Mama all the time to sing to you. It is a guaranteed thing you will recognize my voice since you are so close to me, but you can bet Daddy, Grandma and Grandpa are going to try their best to talk to you so much that when you are born, you will recognize their voices, too!

Baby, you are so blessed. There are wonderful people in Mama and Daddy's life that can't wait to meet you and are so happy with each passing week, that have shared in our joy and worry and I am so thankful for them. They have eagerly waited every Friday for videos or pictures of you! You are much loved and this warms Mama's heart. I'm really worried about when you are born, I won't want to let you go. I've waited so long for you to be in my arms, I'm afraid when they hand you to me, I won't give you up. I've always been able to share everything, even with being an only child, but I'm going to have to work at this! See, besides mine and Daddy's arms to cuddle you, you have your grandparents and Mamo and Poppy right next door just waiting to cuddle you, too! Of course, when you arrive, you are also going to have special visitors waiting to cuddle you and I'm so grateful for this. So, I've been thinking and it occurred to me, I will have you for all our lives, cherishing each moment of your miraclous life. Plus, when I need sleep from all the sleepless nights you will be giving me, it will be so nice to have loving arms to place you in while I sleep. This is going to work out just fine, Baby!

From the ultrasounds, the doctor is predicting you are a boy, but we won't know for sure until a couple of weeks. Of course we know lots of women that were told their babies would be a boy or girl around this stage and then several weeks later, the baby was just the opposite! Either way, I'm fine with you being a boy or girl. The great thing with you being a boy, I already have your nursery set picked out. Over a year ago, I was daydreaming and looked for hours online at baby nurseries. I think I have seen them all and I fell in love with this particular one. As soon as doctor told me, I thought, "finally, I get to have that super cute nursery set!" I find myself dreaming about Tonka trucks, Legos, an extensive collection of Hot Wheels and puppy dogs. This thrills my tomboy heart! Of course, I have to wonder if you will be my "redheaded little terror!" It's fine with me, but Grandma says I do not know what I pray for. I've never raised a little boy, but I promise you I will do my best. I'm all for you being 100% boy, out in the mud and dirt, but I hope we can raise you to be a little gentleman, just like your Daddy.

You occupy my thoughts from morning to night. I wonder if you will favor me or Daddy or some ancestor we don't know. I hope if you are a boy, you will take after Daddy and grow tall. I hope you have an imagination like me even though I suspect it will get you in trouble at different times! Of course, your family all hopes you take after Daddy and be laidback and not worry over anything. I have teased your Daddy so many times about riding on a cloud and never worrying about a thing. Your Daddy's favorite words to Mama are "everything is going to be all right." They have teased your Mama unmercifully about the amount of worrying I do. They all enjoy this immensely and even tease me that when you are born, you are going to cry and say, "Ohhhh, Mama I'm scwared!!!!! Put me back in!!!!" This may not sound so funny, but if you could have seen your Grandma when she was imitating you, you would know why we laughed until it hurt; it was a riot.

In all seriousness, Baby, I do pray we can raise you to have simple faith and never worry, but leave it all in God's hands. Your Mama has been trying to master this for years; what can I say? I am a work in progress. You will be dedicated to God when you are tiny because we understand such a gift is only on loan from your Creator. I understand the best way to teach is by example and your parents are praying we can always be the right example to you. We will make mistakes because Baby you don't come with a manual, but we have had the privilege in watching parents around us and we have seen great examples of parents as well as not so great. I know your Daddy thinks about his childhood growing up with an absentee father and he is determined you will never know anything except the love of two people committed to God, each other and you. I admire and respect this quality in him. He is so excited to meet you and teach you things he wasn't taught, but had to learn. He loves you so much and even though he is not a chatterbox like your Mama, he is a rock and solid in his faith. While he teaches you manly things, I hope to instill in you among other things a gentle heart, compassion for others and a Godly heart full of love for others. You are changing our lives in ways we haven't even figured out yet and I can't wait to see how you will help us to be better people.

I have thought so much about Hannah lately. She was not the only woman in the Bible to suffer infertility, but her story of how she handled such heartache has been a great inspiration to me. I can only imagine the joy she had in her heart when her gift, Samuel, was born. I pray to experience such joy in March. Her prayer after Samuel is in her arms is the ultimate praise of every woman who has longed to experience of wonder of motherhood. As that was Hannah's prayer, God willing when aI experience the awesomeness of a child placed in my arms in March, the remainder of her prayer will be also my vow. "For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him. Therefore also I have lent him to the Lord; as long as he liveth he shall be lent to the Lord."

I love you,

Mama