Oh the Joy of Cravings!

I never quite understood how cravings were really for real and I wouldn’t be satisfied until that craving was fulfilled.  I never realized how severely my hormones would be out of whack and I would dissolve into tears over the silliest of things!  This has been my week and it has been a source of amusement and concern.

It all started Saturday morning.  My mom hung up the phone from talking to Mamo, begging and pleading with her to go to the ER, with Mamo steadfastly refusing. She then comes to the bedroom to check on me and finds me sitting in the middle of the bed crying.  Scared to death, she stopped dead still and asked me what in the world was wrong.  This was my reply:  “I want hot tea and scones with lemon curd and hot savories and we don’t have any and I want shrimp and I can’t have shrimp either.  And Mamo doesn’t feel good!”  All this was said between gulps and sobs.  Mom looked at me and then suddenly cracked up in peals of laughter.  She laughed so hard she couldn’t talk and had to sit down.  In the middle of this, my befuddled mind did realize how absurd and funny my statement was, so now I am laughing in between sobs.  I think my mom laughed for a good three minutes straight.  When she finally did stop laughing she just had to call Mamo and tell her. So now, Mamo is laughing too!  I am sitting there wanting to cry at them laughing at me, yet wanting to laugh because I realize how absurd everything is.  I have no clue what is up with me.  I crave lemon like it is going out of style!  Lemon curd on hot fresh scones, lemon cookies (specifically those wonderful melt-in-your-mouth Girl Scout Lemonades) and let’s not forget lemons in my water.  I have never been a person to like water or lemons in my water EVER.  Now, I can’t get enough.  Poor hubby had to make a special trip to the grocery store just for a bag of lemons.  One good thing is now that I have fresh lemons, I have no problem at all drinking my water.  Totally bizarre.  I am still craving my hot tea from a tea room.  My mind thinks about sitting there with fresh made tea with cream and little cubes of sugar and savories, fresh hot scones with lemon curd and strawberry jam, cucumber and cream cheese sandwiches and tomato and cheddar sandwiches, and wonderful bite-sized desserts!  I have told Mom and Aunt Kim the first Saturday Mamo is doing okay and I’m doing okay, we are going to make a trip to Pleasanton, Sutter Creek or San Jose for tea.  I am hoping Mamo and I feel up to it soon.   

Equally strange is my craving for jalapenos!  Ordinarily I do like hot salsa and hot stuff, but I’ve never been able to just eat a jalapeno.  Thankfully, last Saturday Aunt Kim was in the frying mood and her and Mom fried jalapenos stuffed with mozzarella, fried zucchini, squash, eggplant and onion rings.  Oh my, I was in food heaven!!!  I sat there tears in my eyes eating jalapenos, throat on fire, but oh, the flavor was so good!  And finally that craving was satisfied. 

I’ve tried to be careful about what I put in my mouth, but oh, how I have craved fried carbs!  I could eat Chilis’ salsa and chips 24/7 along with pasta and watermelon Italian soda.  I haven’t really indulged my slight ice cream craving, but if I do, hubby makes a trip to Loards Ice Cream and gets me a pint of Almond Joy ice cream or mint chocolate chip.  I actually haven’t had ice cream in a while as I mostly crave real food and lemon water.  Foods that I normally crave, like tri-tip and steak, have been nonexistent.  It is weird, but steak and tri-tip sound totally gross to me.

The crying thing is just beyond funny.  One day last week, I cried because my hubby forgot to wash my favorite pair of pajamas!!!  Really, in my “normal” life I am not a sob sister and even now with my hormones all over the place it is rare that I out and out just cry.  Normally, the tears just well up in my eyes, with one or two escaping to run down my cheeks.  My family finds this extremely hilarious!  Mom made sure Aunt Kim heard about the “crying over tea” episode and shares the other hilarious things I find to sob about.  Dad blames the “hormonies” as he calls them and rolls his eyes.  Justin just looks at me with half concern and half merriment on his face, like he can never really figure out if this is good or bad. 

In my self defense, I must say part of all this emotion is due to Mamo being so ill and my dreaded return to work.  It really is a wonderful thing that baby is so healthy my doctor feels confident in ending bed rest and I do realize this miracle and am so grateful, but oh, how I dread the stress of work and losing all that sleep.  I have gotten very partial to my sleep.  You would think after years and years of getting up at ungodly hours like 4:30 a.m., my body would be used to it and my internal alarm clock would be set at these hours.  Yeah right!  It doesn’t matter if I fall asleep early or late, my internal alarm clock wakes me up consistently between 9:00 and 9:30!!!  If I do get up earlier than that, you can guarantee I will be back asleep very soon.  As it is, I can wake up at 9:30 and by 1:00, my eyes are droopy and I’m down for the count for a good three or four hours.  This week especially, Mamo and I have enjoyed long afternoon naps.  Hearing this makes my doctor very happy and he assures me all this sleep is a great thing. 

The big news is that we are DAYS away from the second trimester!!!!!!  This seems so unreal to me, sometimes I feel as if I’m in a very happy dream.  The second trimester (or as Dad says, semester) has always seemed like this unreachable goal and now here I am just days away.  I was stunned yesterday when my doctor looked at me with a huge grin and said, “You are 1/3 of the way done!”  I’ve reached the point where the risk factor significantly decreases and you can’t even imagine how happy I am about that! I’ve got six months to go and oh I hope these six months go by quickly!  How I long to hold this baby in my arms and see for myself little eyes, ears, nose, mouth, fingers and toes!  We are also several weeks away from finding out positively if we are going to be decorating with pink or blue!  I’ve already got a nursery set picked out for a little boy and I’m still looking for a little girl. 

Our lil miracle is due in March and the timing is significant to me.  Whenever I thought about March 2012, heartache enveloped me because it would be a whole year since losing our last sweet baby and now, God willing, I will be cuddling my precious newborn!  I don’t think it is a coincidence and God’s way of showing me once again He does share my sorrows and knows my deepest desires.

Yesterday, we had such a precious moment with our baby.  When we first saw the baby, I almost had a freak out moment because the baby was so still.  Even though we could see the heartbeat the baby was totally not moving and my heart just stopped, but the doctor quickly assured me Baby was perfectly fine, just resting.  He moved me a little and Baby responded with a jerk, almost like he was startled.  Baby stretched, crossed little legs at the ankles (which I thought was so cute) and then wonder of wonders, brought the little hand to the mouth and started sucking his thumb!!!!  What a moment!  I had heard from other people about seeing their baby sucking a thumb, but you really can’t visualize until you actually see it for yourself!  We did get some movement which reassured me, but Baby was definitely intent on sleeping, and if Baby could talk I’m sure we would’ve heard, “Pleeease, don’t bother me. I’m sleeping here!” 

Baby was content to lie there sucking his thumb while doctor measured, listened to the heartbeat, and showed us all the pertinent limbs and organs!  It is such an amazing thing to see the baby and hear the heartbeat.  I never get used to it and I could listen to that sound all the time.  It is a wonder to me even in utero it is a baby’s instinct to suck his thumb, comforting itself back to sleep.  I still can’t get over it today!  And it was so cute seeing the baby’s legs crossed.  Mom reminded me I sleep that way and so does my dad.  All in all, it was a great doctor visit but by the time we left I was very, very sleepy myself and had a nasty headache.  The last couple of Fridays have been this way with a headache and so very tired.  Yesterday was especially bad and I fell asleep talking to Mom on her bed, which is why I’m posting on Saturday. 

Mom has started scrapbooking Baby’s ultrasound photos and I hope to do a few pages myself this week.  I am so blessed that from six weeks, I have been able to see for myself how much Baby has grown each week and have photos to record that growth.  What precious days these are!  Mom remarked yesterday that God must surely be helping Baby growing and staying one day ahead in growth just so this little Mama won’t worry!

I must thank all of you for prayers for my Mamo.  Monday morning, I was so shocked when she called me and asked if biscuits and gravy sounded good.  I’ve been really careful to see that Mamo doesn’t really cook for me so I knew it was a good sign she wanted to make breakfast.  Of course, I got up and rather anxiously walked next door to Mamo’s.  Going into the kitchen, I looked carefully at her face and was so happy to see that awful grey pallor was gone and her color was normal!  I could’ve danced a happy jig right then and there.  Her voice sounded stronger, too.  We ate breakfast and I told her I was so happy she was feeling better, but she needed to take a nap and take it easy.  I didn’t want her relapsing.  Now, Mamo is a strong minded person and normally when you tell her to take it easy, she just kinda brushes you aside, but now when she gets tired we take a nap.  Mom was equally happy and thankful when she got home from work and saw for herself Mamo was better.  All week, that horrifying scary grey pallor has been absent and she has been feeling better.  We are so thankful for this!  I am hoping and praying she continues to get her strength back.

This morning, my wonderful Mom got up and made scones and I finally got to eat my lemon curd while drinking red velvet chocolate tea!  Such a yummy breakfast!!!  I’m sure Baby appreciated it, too!  The lemon curd tasted as good as I thought it would and finally my craving is satisfied…until next time…lol!