For Christmas, my mom had given me the sweetest snow globe that proclaimed from the immortal Cinderella herself: Even miracles take a little time. It was very appropriate because Mom knew I had been going through a really tough time, especially November and December. I had reached a point where after so much time and loss, I was beginning to think maybe my hubby and I were not meant to experience the joys of a "family." My doctor had suggested testing would be the next step and both of us were very undecided and just not sure. All in all, it was a very trying ordeal as the desire to be a mommy is very strong and as some have said, "my clock is ticking."
The journey to finally being able to announce to the world we are becoming an "us" instead of "me and you" isn't one you can share freely. It is a private journey mostly. Yes, there were a few who knew, but nobody can truly understand the emptiness unless you have actually been in the situation. Those of you who pray can understand just how much prayer has went up to get here!
It's been said before, God works on His own timing not ours. For years, I have said the best time to welcome a child is between the months of March to August because starting in October, we celebrate Justin's birthday, our anniversary; in November, Dad's birthday and Thanksgiving; in December, Mom's birthday, their anniversary, Christmas, and then first thing in January my birthday. Literally, by the end of January, we are done with celebrating and broke! LOL! My plan was always black out those months from October until February. Yeah, even the best laid plans don't work: I'm officially due October 1st with my doctor predicting that Justin will get an extra-special birthday gift on his birthday, October 4th! Oh, and that means I will be going through summer time growing big and then be in my last trimester for August-October which are the hottest months of the year! At this point, all I can do is laugh! I'm already predicting our air conditioning bill will be astronomical and as I plan to work right up until the week of delivery (hopefully), I bet I will have fans posted on either side of my desk! Since I'm still ladies director, I'm already planning retreat which will be literally a month or so before delivery, so I will be also be waddling and be a happy blimp in all our retreat photos this year! Ahhh, how life changes!!!
For now, I'm anxiously awaiting my next appointment on March 10th and wishing desperately that the baby bump would appear sooner rather than later. I'm basking in the few symptoms I have, although I'm relieved at this point that I've only had a couple episodes of nausea and nothing real severe. There was some question whether to announce our anticipated joyful event so early because as of tomorrow I will be eight weeks and after loss, there is always some trepidation, but I am choosing to focus on the joy and miracle of what has happened rather than not celebrate just because of what could happen. Besides, I'm too happy to even try to hide it and hold it in!
I have many more thoughts and emotions, but for now, I am content to count down the weeks, feel the wonder every time I look at our precious baby's photo, and have long silent conversations with our lil miracle whom I'm sure understands me quite well! :) I make my hubby laugh every time he leaves to go somewhere, I tell him I love him and then say, "Oh, and Baby loves you, too!"
This is our little world for now as we anxiously await each new week as a huge milestone and wonder in the back of our minds, "PINK OR BLUE?"
