My Grown-up Christmas List (from 2007)

I ran across this the other day and even though I wrote it in December 2007, I thought I would share it. I wrote it during a somewhat turbulent time in my life when dealing with alcoholism in my family and other issues. Thankfully, I can say as 2010 nears its end, that alcoholism is no longer an issue and I know that only by Grace.



"This Christmas, I'm finding myself strangely less enthused about opening presents and thinking, "What did I get?" Instead, what seems foremost on my mind is this thought: I wonder how many children out there don't have a warm, safe house to come home to? How many are homeless? How many this Christmas will go to sleep and not wake up Christmas morning to the lighted tree with all the brightly wrapped presents underneath? How many will go hungry? How many have never even had the Christmas dinner with all the trimmings? How many will stand in line somewhere on this planet to wait their turn to get food at Salvation Army or many of the homeless shelters?



From those thoughts, my mind turns to the ongoing war. How many families will be having Christmas without their parent, child, sibling or spouse due to that courageous person fighting for our freedom? Worse, how many will visit the grave of their loved one who died for the cause?



I find myself thinking of all those who will visit those numerous Christmas parties and drink one too many and then get in the car and perhaps in their drunken state drive into a car filled with a family. How many times have we all heard the stories of families driving to see their loved ones only to meet a drunk driver and not survive?



My husband asked me the other night what he could get me for Christmas and all I could say was, "my grown-up Christmas list." Poor guy, not knowing what is on my mind, he was completely confused and so I had to tell him, "No more lives torn apart, that wars would never start, and time would heal all hearts; everyone would have a friend, and right would always win, and love would never end..." Since I recently shared with him the direction I plan to take next year and the new calling that has been placed on my heart, all he could do was watch as my eyes filled with tears and nod his head in understanding.



So, this year, my Christmas wish is more of a prayer that God would watch over those we love, protect them as they drive to work or to see family, that He would soften the hearts of those that are cold towards Him and the "Reason for the Season," and most importantly, that God would give those Christmas miracles to some of the children out there and God bless us everyone, the good and the bad, the happy, the sad...God Bless Us Everyone!"



It's December 1, 2010!!! I hope everyone has a great Wednesday!

Thankful Thoughts

Thanksgiving this year passed in a blur. I had spent the week before cleaning my house and decorating it for winter festivities. My hubby's family drove from their home out of state this year to spend Thanksgiving week with us and other family. Seeing as this was the first holiday in six years Justin was going to spend with his family, I told him I would decorate the house early to celebrate the special occasion. I had forgotten just how exhausting it is to decorate a house, but the end result is always worth the effort.
His sister and family had been out to visit several times this year, but each time, we never had any time to go anywhere special or do anything fun. I decided it would be fun to go away on the Saturday before Thanksgiving to SF and have some fun time with his sister and kids while my BIL went fishing. We had a great time despite the freezing cold and then the rain at the end of the day. First stop was Pier 39 where I took this amazing photo!

(Copyright, 2010, MsPeez)

It had been several years since we had been to the Pier and we had a great time visiting the shops. The only money I ended up spending there was at the candy shop - go figure!

My SIL, niece, and nephew had never been to Bubba Gumps so we decided to eat there for lunch. BG's is a special restaurant for my hubby and I. I met my hubby on a Friday night and the next day, we ended up going to SF with two friends for lunch and then after we were engaged, he took me back there and we ended up being seated at the same table as that very first weekend. Whenever we are in SF, we try to go there as we love eating their shrimp!

Us girls :)

I have many more photos from our little day in SF, but this is a favorite of just my hubby and I from the day.

My hubby's mom ended up getting in town sometime around 1:00 a.m. Wednesday. We were so glad to see her and for this Thanksgiving, we did something a little different. Because my SIL and family were spending the day with my BIL's family, it was just my hubby, my MIL, and me. It has always been a tradition to help cook with my beloved Mamo for Thanksgiving and not knowing how many more Thanksgivings I have with her, I wasn't willing to miss out on that. Thankfully, my hubby and his mother are so understanding of that and so for Thanksgiving, we just ended bringing my MIL with us to my family. She was a little unsure, but my family is always welcoming and so, it ended up being a great day. She enjoyed herself and loved my mom's mashed potatoes. :) I didn't get to cook with Mamo due to unforeseen circumstances, but it was still great to be with her and family and there is always Christmas cooking.

The day after Thanksgiving, we met my hubby's sis and family for family photos as a surprise for their mom! The location was beautiful and the photo shoot went up wonderfully and I absolutely cannot wait to see the end results. I wish we could see my hubby's mom as she sees the photos as we managed to keep it a secret. Since I knew we were going to be in a pretty location, I cajoled my mother to loan me her awesome Canal Rebel camera to take some candid photos with. How lucky am I to have a mother who trusts me with her prized possessions! Let me just say, I am in love with the Canon Rebel!!! It is the camera for me.

My handsome hubby

This year, I am thankful for my hubby first of all; he is my dream come true, my rock on earth, and my forever friend...family, of course, my mom and dad are always there when I need them, and so thankful to have Mamo with us another year...my mother-in-law who shared my early Thanksgiving tears over an unanswered prayer...my girl cousin who has become a confidante and friend...good friends who I can run to with the big conundrums that puzzle my brain and for laughs when I need them the most...great neighbors who share homemade funnel cakes and even walk over just so I can cuddle my Mr. Adorable and get my baby fix (there is no way I can be feeling down looking into his sweet baby face)...a job in this shaky economy and one I can do at home...waking up every morning free of pain from fibromyalgia...I will be thankful until the end of my life for my miraculous healing of fibromyalgia and relatively good health...great pastors who are always there to pray over our struggles or just to talk...I truly appreciate my pastor's wife and thankful to count her as a friend...our church family especially the special lady who made us a delicious pumpkin roll just because I was craving it...our lil' house that isn't a mansion, but just right for us...the people I have in my life who challenge me and make me determined to be the best I can be...smaller sizes in my closet (haha)...cute shoes (of course had to sneak that one in somewhere)...red hair and blue eyes...the unanswered prayers...hot coffee on cold winter mornings...my 2010 year of restoration...Ladies Retreat in Carmel...and last but not least and the greatest of all, I'm thankful for the One who waits for me beyond the gates of Pearl in a place that my craziest dreams can't fathom, for salvation, for freedom, and for renewed Hope...

Five Years Ago...

Friday, 10/22/10, my hubby and I celebrated five years of marriage. It still doesn't seem possible that five years have flown by so quick. It is amazing what life can bring about in five years. In many ways, we are not that same two people who started out on this journey together...we have grown, evolved, and in some ways my hubby has adapted to my ideas and way of thinking and in some ways, I have done the same. I was the ultimate "Miss Independent" when I married him. I had been out on my own and supported myself near the Big City for some years. Mostly, I had been independent all my life. I will say that being so independent in some ways was a very good thing going into marriage, but in others it was a detriment. Five years later, that Miss Independent is completely gone. No, I'm not a clinging Nelly, but I have grown to depend on my husband and thrilled to be known as his wife.

When we said our vows, the odds were stacked against us. He came from a broken home and absentee father and Lord knows, my parents have had their share of ups and downs including a sabbatical. Add to that, he was raised completely different than I was and our personalities are very opposite. Hey, they say opposites attract right? Thankfully, we had several things going for us: God in our lives for one thing, we both believe that marriage really means "until death do us part," and good old stubbornness. You didn't expect the last one? Well, stubbornness doesn't always have to be a bad thing. In our case, we know that by all accounts, we should be included in the divorce statistics; we are stubborn enough and our minds are made up that we won't be and we are beating the odds by investing in our marriage and by the grace of God.

My wedding day was the happiest day of my life. A lot of stress, worry, and work had gone into my wedding day, but it was well worth it. God really does work some things out. We had a very small budget for our wedding. Looking back, I'm glad I did. A lot of weddings are all about the party at the reception instead of the ceremony which really is the most important part. Ours was all about the ceremony, but I did get the dress of my dreams and the wedding photographer I wanted along with several other things that I thought would make my wedding perfect.

There is a story about The Dress. I had made up my mind my wedding dress was going to be made by my great-aunt, therefore, to cut down the cost, but we wanted to go try on a couple of different styles to see which looked best. My best friend drove down for that day and so Mom, Mamo, my great-aunt, and I set up to try on dresses. We went to a couple of different stores and I wasn't liking anything. We decided to try one last place before we drove home. I was browsing and wasn't really impressed with what I was seeing when this lady came to help me. I didn't tell her we weren't going to be buying a dress, just that I was looking. She ushered me into a room and gave me two dresses to try on which I didn't like. Seeing that, she looked at me and said, "You know, I have the perfect dress for you." She then comes back with this gold and ivory wedding dress. You should have seen my face! Gold and ivory??! I am not into gold at all. However, I willingly tried it on. I stepped out of the room, walked to their big mirrors, and the looks on the faces of my family confirmed what I already felt: This was my dress. I had the moment every bride dreams about when they find their Dress. One big problem: It was designer. When I finally reluctantly went into the fitting room to take off that wonderful dress, my mother told the lady that we weren't prepared for the cost of that wedding dress. Come to find out, the lady was the top partner of the designer and I later found out she actually designed my dress. Of course, she knew who would look good in that dress! Before we left, she told my mom and I that if we were to order the next day, she would knock off like 30% of the cost. Needless to say when we got in the car, it was quiet. I was depressed thinking I had just found the dress of my dreams and there was no way I would ever wear it. My best friend knew how I was feeling and she said, "I'm going to pray that you get your dress. That dress was made for you." I said okay, but I have to admit my faith was pretty small. However, the next morning I woke up to the news that miraculously, the money was there to go order my dress. We went to church that morning and then left to order my dress. This was just one of the many ways God answered prayer for my wedding!! Later, my mom told me that my dress was one she saw in one of my numerous Bride's magazines and had insisted that was the dress style I needed and I said I didn't like it (I was seeing gold and ivory!). We went and looked and well, mom knows best: here is my wedding dress in that magazine.

I ordered it in all white although everybody said that being a redhead, I could have totally gotten away with the gold and ivory. I waited for months for my creation to come in and was so happy when I finally got to try it on and pose on the store's beautiful staircase!

One week before the Big Day, I had to wear it again for my great-aunt to make some minor alternations. It was an effort to take it off again and wait for my wedding.

The Wedding Day finally arrived. What a day! I was up way too early, but I was too excited to sleep. Here are a few pictures from the day I became a wife. The wedding pictures are courtesy of Tonia Barrett Photography from Turlock. She was awesome! I loved having her as my photographer and she blended so well with all the proceedings that she wasn't noticed and I have something like 400 or 500 photos from my wedding. I highly recommend her to any bride! She was also kind enough to let me post them as all wedding photos are under her copyright!

Happy Bride (toniabarrettphotography)

The Happy Groom arriving at the church (toniabarrettphotography)

Our Favorite Photo (toniabarrettphotography)

Feeding each other (toniabarrettphotography)

A funny moment: My uncle who was my DJ and my pastor clowning around at the reception. Those two were quite the entertainment! (toniabarrettphotography)

Our pastor did a great job performing our wedding. Every anniversary, Justin and I watch our wedding video just to re-hear the preaching because our pastor said some very awesome things about marriage and clinging to each other and God when times get rough. Five years later, he is still our pastor and we are happy to serve under him and his lovely wife. :)

Three veils: Blusher, mid length, and cathedral veil - It is a wonder I didn't get a headache from all that weight on my head. (toniabarrettphotography)

(toniabarrettphotography)

Looking at my Prince Charming (toniabarrettphotography)

My aunt snapped this and I have always loved it!

I have heard it said before: "They had a beautiful wedding, but what about the marriage?" This wasn't said about us, but there is such truth in that statement. So many young couples focus so much on the wedding these days and they forget to prepare for the marriage. My hubby and I have had our fair share of struggle, but I can honestly say I'm more in love with my husband than I was five years ago and he is my equal and "helpmeet." I can't say I married my best friend because I didn't think about it that way, but he is my best friend. He has seen all sides of his wife and although there are some he doesn't favor (laughing), he still loves me for me. He doesn't judge me when I have a "down day" and when I get to feeling we have had more than our fair share of hard knocks, he always encourages me by saying, "Babe, everything will be okay." You can't predict how somebody will be when you go through hard times and times of struggle, but it is with some of those times, I have fallen in love with him even more for his compassion and gentleness. There have been many times in the past two years that my hubby has literally helped me to keep going; he held my hand when heartbroken we lost the child we so badly wanted, he comforted me before I was healed of fibromyalgia, and it is times like those when you see the true character and measure of a man.

Some memorable moments of five years of marriage:

Our third anniversary (Caroline Taylor Photography)

Christmas 2007

Disneyland (our happy place)

Lake Tahoe

Christmas 2008

Did I mention Disneyland was our happy place? :)

January 2009 Black and White Ball

September 2010

10/22/2010 - 5 year anniversary, still going strong!

I love you, Sweetheart! Here's to many more!

Refuge By the Sea

Ladies Retreat 2010 will stand out in my memory always for several different reasons. It was my first retreat attended and planned. The house in Carmel Highlands was fabulous and the view amazing. The skit put on by four ladies who will remain anonymous was truly the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. I will remember the powerful services for the rest of my life. I have never met a more diverse group of ladies and in any other church/setting, it might have been a problem, but the memories made and the laughter shared by all proved that nothing can prevail over unity of minds/spirits and the love we have one for another.

This was the view I woke up seeing every morning and watched fade every night

I hope when I'm that "old" I can be that young at heart

The very first morning we were there, most got up way too early and made their way downstairs for breakfast and pictures

These two ladies have been instrumental in my life in many ways and I thank God for both of them every day - one inspires me to be the best Christian lady and wife I can possibly be and the other never fails to make me laugh when I need it the most!

Some of my fellow beach ladies

I love how all of us are looking at completely different views, but all of us are happy to be there with smiles on our faces

Our instrumental speaker, her mother on the left, and me

Our speaker will never know how God used a conversation to put some of my worst fears about a possible decision I will have to make in the future to rest. It is amazing to me how our Heavenly Father always knows when we need to hear something at the very right time - at His time!

Ms. Magoo modeling my snakeskin shoes for everyone who, by the way, still has my shoes! :)

This young woman is an absolute delight to me. I admire her fearlessness, courage, and the Godly heart she has! She makes me laugh and makes some of the craziest faces, but she also brings out the young, carefree girl buried under all the "mature" layers.

See what I mean? :)


Although I don't have a group picture of all the ladies that were there, all of them are dear to my heart and I'm so happy God has placed me with them!

Last but not least one photo for my hubby whose happy expression when I returned home topped off a great, memorable weekend!

Waiting Tuesday

I'm in a waiting period...waiting to be off work, waiting for the weekend, waiting for my Scentsy order to arrive, waiting for Ladies Retreat in Carmel...waiting for my life to change. I have really realized this week how much time we spend in waiting for events, time to pass or just waiting. It starts when we are young; we wait for our birthday and Christmas. We wait for school to start and school to end. We wait to graduate. We wait to hear back to see if we got that job that we want so badly or got into that college. We then wait for the weekend to be away from that job or our studies. We pray, "Oh God, please send me Prince Charming" and then we wait. When said Prince Charming does arrive, we then wait for the ring; when the ring is on our finger, we throw ourselves into planning what we are sure will be the happiest day of our lives, and wait for that certain white dress to arrive at the bridal shop. That moment we are waiting to walk down that aisle to forever change our lives may be a scary one, but that doesn't matter. All that matters is that look in his eyes when he sees his beautiful bride. That we waited for the honeymoon with Prince Charming goes without saying and we begin our happily ever after. Thus, begins a whole new time of waiting...waiting to buy our dream home...the one with the white picket fence...waiting for the happy news that instead of two, there will be three, and then waiting to hear the pitter-patter of little tiny feet. And so forth, we begin another period of waiting.

I know, other than above examples of waiting, there are so many events we await. I have never considered how much of my life has been spent waiting and really, it is sad. I don't just want to wait for life to hit me between the eyes; I want to live it, experience it, and make it count, but really even as we are living our lives making memories, we are still waiting.

Recently, I was struck by a comment a person had made saying simply, "We are not waiting on life to be perfect; this is it." I barely had time to mull over this when my hubby came home from visiting a couple we know, very thoughtful, telling me this couple has no permanent home - their home has wheels under it even though it is stationary at the moment - they do not have the many things most of us take for granted, and both of them are working all the time at menial jobs, but they do have one thing that fills their lives with joy and makes their struggle so worth it - they have a little daughter. Maybe she isn't wearing clothes bought at Baby Gap or Children's Place, but she is not aware of it; she is only aware that she has two people in her life that shower her with love and kisses and rush home to be with her. She does not care about their precarious financial state. All she wants (and needs) is to be in her daddy's arms as she smiles at her mommy.

It strikes me that in a time where people measure your life's value by the home you are living in, what kind of car you drive, and where you go on vacation, the only thing that really is the most valuable is the love you have and the love you give while waiting to slip 'the surly bonds of earth' to 'touch the face of God.'

Seize the moment and cherish the ones you hold in your arms!

Mamo's birthday cake

Life has been incredibly busy, too busy in my opinion, and so blogging has been put off on the very back burner, but finally I am taking a moment to write.

We celebrated Mamo's birthday on 8/13/10. For those of you who know me, you know how grateful I am to have her here with us. The heartrending horror of 4/26/10 still haunts me at times when I think how my life could have changed forever that day and instead of being with her on her special day, I could have been visiting a grave. You never know just how much you really love someone until you are face-to-face with reality of almost losing them. I am still amazed at my mom for being so calm over the phone telling me they were taking Mamo in for another TIA when I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, all I could do was gasp for breath and sob in between saying, "Noooooooo..." I look back at that crazy drive to the hospital in between tears and sobbing, "God just can't take her now, He just can't" to my hubby who wisely knew I needed to drive because it would make me feel like I was doing something to help while breaking every speed law ever known to man. We talked about that day on Mamo's birthday and I mentioned how thankful I was that 4/26/10 ended up with a happy ending and my dad asked me how in the world I remembered the date...all I could say is somehow I just remember dates like that especially when it is tied to someone I hold very dear in my heart. I thank God every day for letting us have Mamo with us a little bit longer...I have had some very long talks with Him on the subject and have informed Him that He can leave her with us for a long time. I think it is a great plan...

My earliest memory is of Mamo and mostly all my childhood memories are of Mamo. She babysat me before I started school and then when I started kindergarten, she worked at the school I went to. We won't talk about the time she actually sent me to the Vice Principal's office for slapping a girl's face because she was being horribly improper and talking with her mouth full of food (I forgave Mamo, of course!). Instead, I like to think about how when I was three and four years old, my favorite thing was to play with cars (hot wheels) and build towns and roads in the dirt. I had a favorite place for doing this in her front yard under my swing. At times, I needed certain tools to help me dig my roads - what better than one of Mamo's big silver spoons? Of course, the silver spoons were perfect! Needless to say, one day Mamo came asking me, "Have you been using my big spoons?" "Yes, Mamo, I used it to build my road." "Oh, honey, please don't use Mamo's nice spoons to dig in the dirt!" :) I have a million such memories, each one better than the last. She has always been there from the moment I was born.

Mamo (Senior picture)



My grandparents on their wedding day, 1958

One of my favorites of Mamo and Mom (2005)

For Mamo's birthday, the one thing I knew I had to do was make her a cake. She has watched me make dozens of cakes for other people since I always go to her house and she has even helped me a couple of times to get a certain flavor right. I decided I would go to her house and make her cake with her just to spend time with her. I let her pick the flavors, but I told her when I started decorating it, she had to go sit down in the family room. She was pretty happy with our plan because then she could get to taste during the baking process. There is something about cooking in Mamo's kitchen; for some reason, I never worry and I just know everything will taste great. I snapped the below picture while I was waiting for a cake to come out of the oven. Mamo is not really tech-savvy, but she figured out how to play checkers on Mom's iPhone just fine!

My dad clowning around waiting for the cakes to be done

Mamo's face when I showed her the finished product. I had made her cake heart-shaped and iced with whipped cream. I discovered I need to work on my freehand writing, but she didn't mind - that is the wonderful thing about grandmas! It doesn't show up in the pictures, but the cake was actually sparkling/glimmering because of some tiny pink sparkle sprinkles.

My homemade gift to her...
Oh well, who cares how it looks right? It only matters what it tastes like!!

My little family not including Dad who was taking the picture and of course my hubby was cracking everyone up, but I do love this picture!

There is nothing better than a piece of cake just out of the oven and fresh. Mom took this of her first bite of banana-flavored cake with Bavarian cream filling. The funny thing is I couldn't take one bite because at the time I was on a diet and would you know, my family says it was one the best cakes I've ever made in my whole life?! Go figure!

Happy Birthday, Mamo!